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You're Letting Your Family Narcissist Starve You
Don't kid yourself - your family narcissist is never going to let you go. The society around them has given them a free-pass to engage in their behaviour behind the guise of "blood being thicker than water". They will attempt to hoover you back in when they need something, and discard you when they're done with you. You are nothing more than an accessory to them, and they will never change. So why bother trying, right? There's nothing you can do about it anyway. Blood is thicker than water, my friend. But you'll die before it quenches your thirst.
You're Family Narcissist KNOWS that you can't help fighting for their approval.
You're never going to be good enough for your family narcissist. No matter what you do, they will always find something to criticize you for.
It's a battle you'll never win; no matter what you do or what accomplishments you achieve, it will never be enough for your family narcissist. The slightest thing sets off their need to criticize and control what you do - what you eat, how you dress, how you manage your personal affairs, that's if you can actually get a word in first. Even if they have no knowledge or experience of the issues at hand, they've still got plenty to say. It's exhausting and infuriating but it's sadly come to be accepted as part of life when dealing with a family narcissist. Instilling them with your own self-worth is the only thing that can save yourself from these criticisms.
Your family narcissist loves nothing more than putting you down in front of other people. They take pleasure in making you feel small and insignificant.
The family narcissist loves nothing more than putting you down in front of other people. Whether it’s back-handed compliments, gossip and rumor mongering or just telling lies, it gives them a false sense of superiority whilst hiding behind the natural blood bond they have with you. People are too afraid to do anything to oppose your family narcissist as they worry over how they'd react without that natural kinship, this power trip makes them feel safeguarded against any judgement cast their way - until that backfires spectacularly. It's a malicious cycle your family tormentor can only keep up for so long before their mask starts to slip and the truth reveals itself one piece of the puzzle at a time.
Your family narcissist is always the center of attention. They hog the conversation and make sure everyone knows how significant they are. Meanwhile, you're left feeling invisible and unimportant.
It's no surprise when your family narcissist takes center stage whenever possible; they're dismissive of anyone else's experiences and accomplishments, instead opting to wow with an itemised and detailed recount of their day. It isn't always about bigging themselves up, either. Some narcissists will go for 'shock-value' and try to one-up your misery instead to display how clearly inept you are at managing your affairs when they have it so much worse than you and can still keep-trucking. To make matters worse, you inevitably find that your own words are refuted or ignored as false, only for them to be repeated back to you as fact just because it is coming from their mouth instead. Add this double whammy with the feeling of being invisible and unimportant in their presence and it can often end up being a heartbreakingly dismissive cycle.
Your family narcissist is always right, even when they're wrong. They refuse to admit when they've made a mistake, which can make arguments with them impossible to win.
Arguing with a family narcissist is an impossible task. "Truth" is a very long shoe-lace for them and if you knot it enough, no one can put it to good use anymore - that's a tactic you'll see often. A narcissist may try to reframe events or arguments to suit their narrative, and will rarely offer apologies or make concessions even when they are wrong. On the flip side, they are usually loquacious which might break through the "word salad" at times. It's always "right" with them; but never "correct".
Your family narcissist expects you to meet their needs without ever considering your own. They are selfish and self-centered, and will never put your needs above their own.
It's a family member you love with all your heart, but you know from experience that the attachment is purely transactional. The family narcissist expects you to always put their needs first, viewing your efforts as something for them to take and accept without ever considering what you might need in return. You give gifts in hopes that it fosters some small measure of mutual appreciation or affection, yet it never seems suffice or even noticed—only viewed as your family member's due. They are unable to share in your joys and successes, and instead try to one-up or criticize whatever they can't control. You want to be able to be yourself with family while feeling safe, yet all too often you feel not seen and valued but taken advantage of instead.
You will never be able to please your family narcissist no matter how hard you try. It's time to accept that fact and move on with your life without them dragging you down."
The family narcissist has been an inescapable part of your life for so long that you've probably started to believe that trying to please them is never-ending. It is. Even if you remove yourself, you're going to be a perifferal tool in their arsenal rather than a person with thoughts and feelings of their own. It's essential that you recognise your self-esteem was on the line and reflect on why you enabled this person to remain in your life.
You're Family Narcissist KNOWS that you can't help fighting for their approval.
Family narcissists will often use the familial attachment and bonds you have with them to harness control over your life, psychologically and emotionally influencing your behaviour regardless of their abusive tendencies. From early childhood attachment trauma to a near-complete overhaul of your personal development and selfcare habits, family narcissists understand how easily their words and actions can burrow deep into the mind; playing on your attachment, guilt and confusion in order to cause psychological harm. Efforts made to reject or deflect this kind of behaviour are routinely the source of much upset for these types of abusers, as they rely heavily upon their influence and attachment for continued psychological control. To minimise the affects that family attachment can have in these situations it is important that you take care of yourself by seeking professional advice from an impartial third party, or speaking with someone outside of these toxic power dynamics who may be able to help you process intense emotions or make decisions about whether particular behaviours are worth engaging in again.
Maybe because people would talk, maybe out of habit, maybe because it's unbelievable that some can behave this way and for such a long time, maybe because you were highly receptive to the positive moments that you clung to them when things got tough. Now is the time to take back all the mental energy they sucked out of you and set strict boundaries for yourself and reinforce them with action. Put simply, your only hope at escaping their grasp lies in refusing to give them any more of your precious mind or emotional space any longer.
If you're related to a narcissist, you already know that they're never going to be happy with anything you do. No matter what you do, they'll always find something to criticize you for. They love putting you down in front of other people and making you feel small and insignificant. And they have so many "prior-experiences" and "insider knowledge" to back it up, right? Meanwhile, they hog the conversation and make sure everyone knows how great or put-upon they are. They are always right, even when they're wrong. They refuse to admit when they've made a mistake, which can make arguments with them impossible to win. Your narcissist expects you to meet their needs without ever considering your own. They are selfish and self-centered, and will never put your needs above their own. You will never be able to please that narcissist no matter how hard you try. And it feels so much worse because of those key-bonds you formed in early life in order to survive and thrive in adulthood. It's not your fault evolution and circumstance predisposed you to this. But you owe it to yourself to evolve past that experience.
So why are you holding onto your Family Narcissist? Tell me below!